[nov 12th, 2023] doing well

felt like writing down a little life update, because things have been going pretty well this last month! thankfully!

i started taking anxiety meds! maybe that's why i've been feeling better LOL.... i've just been less anxious overall, it's been a while since i last had a meltdown. i've been feeling better at work, and before i was sure i'd drop out of this internship at the start of 2024, but now.... maybe i'll stay til the end. it's not that bad!

i had been postponing a blood exam for most of the year because of my fear of it, but i couldn't put it off any longer and... it was fine! i didn't even feel like passing out during the exam. and the results were pretty good, i'm healthier than i expected :)

in september me and my girlfriend made things official :D it was a vague situation thing for a while, we both knew we liked eachother and acted like a couple around campus, but we hadn't really defined anything. so we had that convo and we're officially dating!
on that note... i told my parents about her, which also served as a coming out, kind of! and they were Normal!! they didn't ask anything about it and were just supportive (i do think they already suspected that i'm gay), my dad even joked about her not having asked for permission to date me beforehand jhsdJSDH and the weekend after she came over and spent 3 entire days here at home with me. it was just so nice spending all that time in her company, we played videogames (mostly her playing through totk and the splat3 singleplayer), watched tv shows + movies + anime, drew, cooked lunch together, went out for dinner with my mom and sister, went to the beach with my best friend (who came over for a bit too), and we all went out for dinner at a really nice place here in the last day. mom took some very cute pics of us :} it was just a really good weekend (feriadão) overall!!

girlfriend drew my splatsona and i colored it! collab ^-^

for now my main concern is the end of the semester, but i'm not TOO worried about it, i'm pretty sure i'll be able to handle it. as i always have. i've been planning things out, and hopefully it won't get too overwhelming. i'm REALLY looking forward to my summer break though, can't wait for this year to end...

oh also! i've been on a journey trying to figure out my gender for a good while now. i decided to finally try out they/them pronouns alongside she/her. i'm not labeling myself as anything for now; the concept of lesbian as a gender is something i really identify with, though. i just feel a significative disconnection from womanhood and that could have something to do with my sexuality. it's all connected, really.
em português eu vou manter apenas o ela/dela, no momento não me identifico com as opções de pronomes neutros que temos, e ser referida no feminino não é algo que me incomoda. sou ela no sentido de pessoa, não de mulher, sabe?

the finally figuring out your sexuality to questioning your gender pipeline is real. when you're a lesbian, the gender fuckery comes as a package deal

[oct 30th, 2023] site management to-do list

i recently made a checklist of the things i want to change and add to the site so i can slowly work on it whenever i have some time. figured i'd share it here so maybe it'll make me more motivated to actually do them lol?

main page/general
~~- update/revamp sitemap (keep it simpler)~~
- update site credits

blog
- redesign blog organization, as in: separate things by year. once you scroll down all the way, theres a link to 2022, and once clicked it just puts the 2022 posts in the iframe with a return button

oc page
- add a rambles/fun facts page in the left sidebar, for general thoughts and such
- keep working on the oc pages. of course

gamelog
- revamp the layout, maybe keep it inside the main page iframe
- have links to individual pages to log progress on games ive been playing (ac, totk, splatoon, stardew, etc)

collections
-cleanup web graphics page

shrines
- redesign index
- make a shrine for my pets :)
- add more to club penguin page
- tweak acnh layout
- redesign splatoon layout

links
- turn sections into dropdowns so its not as long
- section for animations specifically
- section for video essays/general
- cleanup/update buttons

adoptables
- make more adoptables :P

[aug 27th, 2023] todo dia um 7x1 diferente

hi! i finally sat down to give a reasonable update on this site. i really want to update more frequently and keep working on the ideas i have written down for it, but i just haven't had the time.
this is the year of new experiences for me... so much has been happening and i've been feeling so childish for not being able to handle it all properly. as you already know i opened comms (internationally) for the first time back in january, i got into my second fanzine project (finished my piece last month!), got involved with extracurricular projects at uni and then left them (lol), we adopted our first cat ever, i ('ve been) questioned (ing) my gender, i've been romantically involved with someone for the first time ever, i drove in the highway for the first time and was stopped by the police for the first time LOL, i realized i'm anxious as fuck and will look into medication, i've also been pondering and researching whether i'm autistic or not, and i got into an internship this month! been working for the first time.

i've been feeling extremely anxious and sensitive this past month, the smallest things are becoming triggers and i feel awful about it. it's gotten to the point where my friends are coming after me to say theyre really worried about me and that i can talk to them if i need to. thing is, i know when and why i started feeling like this, i know what i have to do to work on it, ive been struggling to do it, and the longer i go on without doing it the harder it gets to do it and i just feel worse and worse. im pretty sure the problem is rooted in my social anxiety, and not dealing with it is affecting my overall anxiety, and its making me feel depressed.

ANYWAY! i'll talk to my therapist about possibly getting medication on tuesday. and later tonight i'll try to tackle The Thing I Have To Do To Solve This.

work's been fine, it's not hard, i just don't like how unpredictable it is. feeling out of control makes me anxious. but yeah. this week it'll be better because i now have a Definitive Desk with proper internet connection and ill bring trinkets to put on my desk and i'll have more human connection because i'll share the room with other people. no more 6 hours straight of being alone with my (not very nice) thoughts.

that's the thing, i'm not kind to myself at all. i've been noticing that. i insult myself through other people, through imagining that that's what they must think of me. i'm not sure where to begin to change that.....

[may 14th, 2023] tgswii talk again

OK it's been a while and i want to gush about this manga for a bit. as a treat

LOOK AT THEM theyre so adorable. ayas hairdo is so cute

i love this mitsuki image. also this whole chapter of her being Just Like her uncle is so wholesome i love their dynamic

yeah fucking mood. i get it aya i get you

koga "sowwy" mitsuki. i love you

not attaching an image to this one but this chapter is probably one of my favorites ever. they finally went to a concert together and mitsuki is so adorable here and aya getting closer to her!!!!!! ohgod oh man i ate this chapter up

what a lesbian

i think mitsuki gives me gender feelings. yeah thats what it is

OHH and the colored thing that was released!!! DUDEEE aya has pink hair and pink eyes and mitsuki with grey eyes???? im obsessed. i ended up recoloring a bit of this official art :) i think it turned out cute

[apr 11th, 2023] click here to see a kitty

HI long time no update!!!

classes are back! it's nice being back into my routine and seeing friends everyday but it also means i have less time. i've been struggling to define my priorities, to plan out my time, and to concentrate. and with life. i've just been struggling quite a bit, honestly! it's been difficult.

BUT guess what. i now have: a kitty. a fucking KITTY. small baby. unstoppable menace. precious angel. (her name is pandora)

i also got in another splatoon zine! this time it's an agent 24 themed one. i'm really looking forward to it!! (i'm also very excited about the hero shot zine which is about to be shipped i think)

and. AND. THE OWL HOUSE!!! THE FUCKING OWL HOUSE .FINALE IM. so sad. it's over..... but the finale was oh so delicious so very good. SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!
oh i also just made a purchase on impulse (a very very nice and adorable little notebook full of cat illustrations. it was R$45. i'm going to host my diary on it when my current one is finished).

i think that's it for now, just wanted to finally update the site a little ! going to slowly begin working on my bigger updates (splatoon page layout redesign, oc pages, more shrines, maybe tweak around the layout of this blog...).

[feb 21st, 2023] a therapy session with my friend

my best friend finally came over this last weekend and we spent a whole night just talking to eachother and reflecting and sharing our thoughts on things. and that's kind of exactly what i've been wanting to do with her for a few months now because a lot has happened/changed to both of us.

one thing in particular is that she helped me realize i might have anxiety. like, anxiety disorder, not generalized anxiety. i told her about how i have this habit of imagining the worst case scenarios out of many routine situations, so i can "be mentally prepared to handle and know how to react to them if it ends up happening" and she said that well. that's anxiety. and that i'm such an anxious person. which would make sense.

i need to see my therapist again.

p.s.: VERY IMPORTANT THING I FORGOT TO MENTION: my sister gifted me an orca plushie. his name is squishy billy (put together two names that were suggested to me by friends)

[feb 14th, 2023] birthed

did you know: i was birthed on This Day

my mom bought me a breakfast basket full of nice snacks and fruit :) it arrived right when i woke up!! it also came with a mug that says "para a melhor filha do mundo!" so i rubbed it in my sister's face (jokingly) and she made the shocked pikachu face

my sister arrived from school at 1pm and gave me a little box filled with sweets, a really cute green aroma pot, a very nice little notebook and an agent 8 hama bead keychain she made to match my agent 3 one :} then i played some breath of the wild while she used my laptop to watch her online classes, and after that she gave me some "joke" cheap presents which were actually genius. a water gun with "splatoon" written on it with tape and one of these magnetic drawing boards with "ipad". i love the board so much, doodling abstract art on it is healing my inner child.

then at like 4pm my grandparents came over to sing happy birthday and eat snacks and the cake. it was a pretty nice sonho de valsa cake! then closer to 5pm a scary raincloud was rapidly approaching, and it rained a lot for a few minutes. it was good to refresh the air a little bit, it's been a really hot summer day. i was afraid it'd kill our power, and it did for a quick few seconds before coming back to normal again lol

i played salmon run with friends (as i've been doing like, everyday this summer) and. annnd they made me birthday art (of dawn and tempest oughhh) they collabed on aaAAAAA it was so sweet and it genuinely made my day........ i will treasure it Forever. also this happened and it was so funny. goes in my favorite chat screenshots folder

after that i took a shower and organized the mess in my room a bit before playing some minecraft with my uni friends! it was very fun and they Also sang me happy birthday in vc jsdhjdhjsh we started a survival world and i'm looking forward to completing the lil house i'm working on :]

tbh i was bummed about not receiving any messages from someone i was hoping would say something, but i'm choosing to not let that ruin my mood and instead focus on appreciating my family and friends and how nice of a birthday this one was because of them! yeah.

i plan to work more on website stuff during this little rest of my summer break..!! let's see how that goes lol

[feb 10th, 2023] octopus and blondes and women

nintendy direct........

i did not expect to get splatoon stuff at all, not even a new season trailer, but. here we are. they showed what the dlc is about!! well, half of it at least. i am a bit disappointed that there's a whole wave of dlc just for a hub world skin though. like, yeah it's nice and all, but it's not enough to be a wave by itself methinks.

the second wave though, HOOLY SHIT. holy fucking shit i am so excited about it!!! it's so eerie looking. i'm obsessed with that song. and i have no idea what the story will be about, aside from pearl and marina being there, and the whole order theme going on (which i am SO happy about as a team order member)... i'm like, 95% sure the player character will be agent 8 again. if it in fact is a new character, then why did they decide to show them with 8's default hairstyle?? when there's much more to choose from?? also, eight was on team order...

and the new zelda trailer!! it's so close to release... 3 months to go. i think i don't feel as excited about it as i should because... well, it's been uh. almost 4 years since the game was announced. but i know that when it's closer to release day and when i start up the game my excitment will come back strong. THOUGH what the fuck, 70 dollars??? 360 REAIS??? porra inferno do cacete !!!! i hope it really is worth that extra money.

and last but not least. my little lesbians. the last chapter was so fucking good.... the last page. OUGHHGHG im going to. im going t

mitsuki i'm sorry but you deserve that. she might kiss you on the mouth later though so it's fine

the author said there won't be a new chapter this sunday though. UGHHHG okay okay that's fine it'll be worth it

[feb 1st, 2023] sentindo muitos sentimentos???

esse fim de janeiro foi... intenso? os últimos 15 dias pareceram um mês inteiro. primeiro, eu abri encomendas né, coisa que eu venho adiando faz tempo, e ainda tô aprendendo a lidar com a insegurança, mas tá indo. foi um bom progresso e eu tô feliz de ter começado o ano anotando isso fora da lista. e tô surpresa por já ter conseguido uma boa quantidade de pedidos, já me acumulou um dinheiro bom pra investir no meu computador novo.

dei uma olhada pelas minhas artes dos últimos anos e é... bem massa ver como eu evoluí até agora. eu ficava só fazendo rabiscos no canto das páginas do meu caderno durante a aula, no meu próprio mundinho enquanto tentava fingir que estava prestando atenção nas aulas de exatas, e agora tô cursando design e começando a ganhar meu próprio dinheiro vendendo minha arte. tudo porque tinha a vontade de melhorar meu traço pra conseguir desenhar meus personagens da maneira que eu queria, e acabei entendendo que era isso que eu tinha vontade de "fazer da vida" !!

vi minhas amigas da faculdade essa semana, depois de mais de um mês desde a última vez que nos encontramos. foi bem legal e tranquilo (uma delas me convidou pra dividir um apê na cidade, e não sei porque não tinha pensado nisso antes. tomara que acabe dando certo!). tomamos banho de piscina, lanchamos e ficamos batendo papo, e depois jantei numa casa italiana com a minha família (rodízio de massas :]).

depois que eu vi esse post no tumblr, acho que penso nele quase todo dia:

especialmente hoje, eu fui escutar o álbum "know-it-all" da alessia cara, que eu ouvi bastante lá pra 2016 (um ano relevante na minha vida). e nossa, logo na primeira música, "seventeen", eu já lembrei desse post e fiquei refletindo. eu ouvia essa música com 14 anos, imaginando sobre quando eu teria dezessete anos também. e, pulando pro futuro, o ano que eu tinha essa idade foi outro ano bem relevante na minha vida. saí da minha zona de conforto, aprendi muita coisa, foi um ano muito puxado em termos de escola, e foi o ano logo antes da pandemia. foi meu último ano do ensino médio (2020 não merece esse título). e agora, tô bem perto de completar 21, e ouvir essa música de novo me trouxe essas memórias de volta, e eu realmente pensei na eu desses anos, e como eu evoluí até hoje, e como no futuro eu vou ouvir essa música de novo, e o ciclo continua.

enfim, foi ótimo ouvir o álbum inteiro com isso em mente, pensando no porquê eu gostava (e ainda gosto) tanto dessas músicas, o que elas significavam pra mim. também sei quase todas as letras de cor, então fiquei cantando junto (só no lip synch mesmo).

tá, mas o motivo de eu estar tão emotiva hoje é porque assisti de uma vez a minissérie sobre a tragédia da boate kiss que saiu a recém, no marco de dez anos. já fui tendo em mente que ia me abalar, porque eu sou muito paranoica com esse tipo de coisa e fico tendo mil crises existenciais sobre o fato da morte, e dito e feito, chorei um tanto. o primeiro episódio em específico me abalou muito, me senti muito ansiosa, tive que dar um tempo pra processar (sentei na privada e comecei a chorar, fui tomar banho e botei pra fora o que ainda tinha de lágrimas). ao mesmo tempo que eu sentia uma dor imensa e medo do futuro (morte) eu reconhecia o tamanho da minha sorte por estar viva e pelas pessoas queridas pra mim também estarem vivas e bem, e como eu sou grata por isso. de noite acabei assistindo o restante dos episódios, porque sabia que a pior parte eu já tinha visto, e agora não tinha mais volta. enquanto eu lavava a louça da janta fiquei pensando e pensando e pensando. acho que ainda tenho mais pra chorar sobre isso.

enfim, eu falaria mais, só que esse post já tá ficando grande e eu não quero entrar em detalhes sobre os outros tópicos pessoais que eu refleti sobre no dia de hoje. acho que vou ir pro meu diário.

[jan 22nd, 2023] wanna see a venn diagram

here it is

get venn diagram'd

i had this idea a while ago, but having people ask if the person in my comm sheet was me or my oc made me finally do it... these are very fun to make jhdjhsdhjh

tempest is probably the oc i project into the most?? maybe?? kind of??????? so of course a humanized version of her (its a different person!!! just. based around them a reasonable amount. as you can see on the diagram.) would ALSO be like me. i could have made her with a different hairstyle/color so she'd look less similar to me, but that one just feels right???

im gonna be honest, tempest and i have a difficult relationship. nuanced. cant really define it. theyre me but also not. they have some of my traits but 9 times stronger or 9 times weaker. theyre also the opposite of me in some aspects. i created her and liked her swag so much that im becoming her i think. tempest doesnt have ear gauges because of me, i have ear gauges because of her !!!! i wouldnt get a piercing but it looks cool!!! i might get an undercut in the future!!! maybe!!! i get clothes thinking "oh this has a tempest vibe. bought" !!!!

having ocs really is something. you end up expressing yourself through them and they help you develop yourself and i think thats really rad.

[jan 10th, 2023] e a coruja sai da toca

hoje eu, minha mãe e minha irmã fomos pra cidade vizinha durante a tarde, por causa de uma consulta médica da minha irmã, mas também aproveitamos pra ir atrás de outras coisas.

passamos por uma loja de bijuterias/miçangas, e foi uma perdição (pra minha irmã). ela faz pulseiras, colares, chaveiros, etc e tal, e esse fim de ano ela participou nas feiras de artesanato da nossa cidade com a minha mãe, e acabou vendendo muito bem; agora acho que ela tá mais motivada do que antes pra fazer os produtos dela. passamos uma boa meia hora naquela loja.

daí fomos no sebo da cidade. levamos uns livros dos quais queríamos nos desfazer, e trocamos eles por outros que nos interessaram lá. acabei encontrando dois livros da série da "píppi meialonga" (que eu não sabia que era uma série de livros). eu tenho só o primeiro, que li na minha infância, e quando vi esses dois extras ("píppi a bordo" e "píppi nos mares do sul"), decidi na hora que precisava levar. também encontrei "tipo assim, clarice bean" da lauren child, que escreveu os livros de charlie e lola, meu desenho de infância favorito! por causa disso, fui assistir um episódio quando cheguei em casa, pra matar a saudade :]

compramos também duas edições antigas da revista superinteressante (uma de 2004 e outra de 1990), e minha mãe pegou uns 3 livros de romance. quando eu estava no sebo dando uma olhada nas estantes, fiquei um pouco pensativa sobre a quantidade de livros de romance que tinha lá, e sobre o fato de 95% (sendo generosa) deles devem ser romances heterossexuais. às vezes eu percebo como estou em uma bolha social na internet, onde a grande maioria das pessoas que eu conheço/interajo são parte da comunidade lgbtq+, mas na realidade é beeem o contrário.

fomos na padaria/cafeteria que sempre vamos (tem um buffet muito bom de doces e salgados. sou apaixonada no empadão de frango deles), e me irritei com uma moça que tava sozinha numa mesa próxima, comendo enquanto (provavelmente) rolava o feed do tiktok dela, SEM FONE, VOLUME ALTO. acho muita falta de educação. quando meus pais fazem isso eu sempre chamo a atenção, falo pra abaixar o volume, ver depois. fiquei olhando na direção dela pra ver se ela se tocava, mas ela nem tirava o olho do celular.

hoje também terminei de ler "o ladrão de raios", o primeiro da série de percy jackson, que a minha irmã me pede pra ler faz tanto tempo. acabei curtindo, vou continuar lendo a série. no momento que eu terminei de ler e fechei o livro, ela tava passando na sala e viu, e já me trouxe o próximo livro kkkkk

enfim, hoje foi bom. cansativo, mas legal. saí da rotina de ficar só dentro de casa, com todos os dias parecendo iguais aos outros.

[jan 7th, 2023] happy new year :o

hi, it's 2023 now! i wish you all a good, peaceful year ^-^

i spent the little end of 2022 watching mob psycho 100 with my sister (we finished it, it's SO good), playing splatoon, thinking about my ocs, having a few existential crises here and there, simple things like that !

i don't really like new year's eve. when i say that i mean the midnight moment; it's so loud and the countdown is stressful, and when i'm done wishing a happy new year to each family member that is present, the existential crisis begins. i wish i could just sleep through every new years but 1. i hardly ever go to sleep that early anyway and 2. fireworks and family members. noise.

i did kiiind of sleep through last year's (or the year before, i'm not sure) celebration though. i wasn't really asleep when midnight hit, but i was cozy in bed hearing the fireworks and people celebrating outside. it was nice... i like quiet little celebrations.

i drank champagne for the first time; only a glass, when it was midnight. i had never drank that much alcohol at once before and it made my tummy feel warm.

my best friend was supposed to come visit this weekend, but she had to postpone it. i'm bummed about it because i really wanted to talk to her again. i know we have ~the internet~, but i'd rather tell her the things i want to talk about face-to-face, online messaging is just not the same.